Congratulations on your victory over all us n on-evangelicals. Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so ew're leaving. California will now be its own country, and we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you're not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all of the Northeast.
We spoke to God, and she agrees this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the wole country at 4:30 PM EST next Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then.
So, you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. (Okay, we have to keep the Governer, we can live with that.) We get the Statue of Liberty. Yyou get Opryland. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Enron and WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepeneurs. You get all the technological innovation in Alabama and Mississippi. We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, you and the red states keep what's left over.
Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we know how much you like that. Did I mention we produce 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck, the only greens Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs. Oh yes, and another thing. Don't plan on serving California wine at your state dinners. From now on, it's imported French wine for you. Ouch, bet that hurts.
Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue State citizens returned from Iraq. Iff you need people to fight, just ask the Evangelicals. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.
Anyways, we wish you all the best in the next four years, and we hope- really hope you find those missing WMDs soon. Serioulsy.
Yeah I know it's a bit old. I just came across it in the rubbel of my room and I decided to post it. It's still legit.